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Topic: The army awaits..	Tuesday, October 23, 2012
2 days past since my last camp (ATC/STC) at camp Resilience at Ubin.. I slept lots when I came back.. I played my usual amount of games.. However, even with everything back to normal, I still feel as if a part of me is left behind.. At first I couldn't figure out what it was but I think I do now when I started typing this.. It had always been the same thing and same feeling. It was the interaction and fun I had with my area mates that I missed.. Ever since I came back, our communications stopped. And the stubborn me still thought it would be the same when I go for the next camp. Things would be different. Back then, my role was a group instructor that look after a group of kids. When I enter the army, I would become one of those kids.. Waiting to bond with the new group, show some initiative and leadership to excel. 7 more days to go. I have to prepare myself mentally even more..
-yao stopped typing at 7:31 PM-

Topic: A good day, good events and a good self reflection..	Sunday, July 29, 2012
Today is a great day! Or rather, 2 hours ago.. Heheh I went out for a movie with my pals from poly, namely zikai, minoo, justin, max, din, zander and barnz.. The movie was great. An intense movie, The Dark Knight Rises, in an intense ear booming theatre. The 20 bucks sure was worth the while. But thats not all.. Something inside me reignited, but i think i have decided to put it out.. Its for the best i guess.. NOW LETS CHUCK THAT ASIDE... We were at the bus stop waiting for Night Riders since it was around half past 12.. I was too occupied conversing that i forgotten to check on which bus service to take.. As i scrambled to find out my way home, justin called out from the side "Isnt that your bus?". Boy did i panic.. So i took 1 last glance on the bus service guide and then i thought to myself, "Oh screw this" and i bid my friends goodbye and boarded the bus 2N. =P So while i was on the bus, i got this sms from justin saying that fail moo boarded the bus only to have his card say low on value and so he alighted the bus to get more money, only to have the bus driver leave without him.. )= If you had taken a bus before, you would know that a "need to top up soon" sign still meant you can still board the bus but apparently the information i had gotten from justin was incorrect as clarified by moo himself. Throughout the conversation between me and moo, we had come upon a point that i have friends that look after my back.. And he pointed out that i'm unreliable on my own then.. Now i agree with both statements. I need to be more dependable, thats true. I do have friends that really look out for me.. :3 So i trusted my friend about the bus that would bring me back home.. But it was only on the bus that i began to doubt if justin had given me the wrong change for the food.. As fast as the doubt arises, it disappeared as i know him.. There was once he and zander took all my money from my wallet as a prank and ended up with him taking all the money and then forgetting to return it to me during the train ride but all was returned very soon.. (: So those were good friends of mine. Maybe a few closer friends in the clique.. Best friend, i haven't decide.. Then this comparison between a normal friend and best friend that had appeared on facebook flashed across my mind. In my opinion, i feel that thats not true at all.. A best friend would be someone who i really have trust in, not someone whom i have to worry about myself getting into troubles i've never even dreamt of.. If he really needs money, he would have told me about it and i would have lent a sum voluntarily instead of fishing them out himself from my wallet.. If a close friend could do that, then why would a best friend do otherwise? Imagine justin pointing out the wrong bus to me deliberately just to laugh at me later? I recall when i was a kid in primary school, i was so high that i recall the exact moment that i declared "This is my best friend!" infront of my teacher with my arm slung over my friend's shoulder.. Now that i think about it, i would have been pretty embarrassed if i were him.. Heheh Though i think thats childhood innocence for you! :3 And also, a recent post on facebook had pulled me back out from this gaming frenzy probably.. It had let me self reflect about the time i had spent gaming so much in comparison to the time i had not given myself to cultivate myself. Shame and disappointment but as well as admiration was what i felt when a continuous learning boy younger than me had shared much wisdom on facebook. That i had actually stopped learning for constant gaming. I realised i had to rebalance my lifestyle and pick up what i had set myself out to do in the past back..
-yao stopped typing at 8:55 AM-

Topic: Innocence..	Tuesday, July 03, 2012
What does it take to be innocent again? On my way back home at the void deck, I pressed the button to call for the elevator. A lady approached on my left and a man with his son behind me. The man took this opportunity to open the mailbox, probably a habit. And as the elevator arrived, the lady went in first and I followed behind her. Then suddenly, the kid, while holding onto the button, wailed out to his dad in Mandarin. "Daddy, the elevator is here! Daddy!!" His dad took a quick glance over to his kid, then us and said "Its okay." Then almost immediately, he muttered a "Never mind" and released his hold on the button. The scene was adorable as I chuckled to myself inwardly. The lady behind me though let out a soft yet audible chuckle of her own as I closed the door of the elevator. Oh, what does it take to be innocent again...?
-yao stopped typing at 6:41 PM-

Topic: I guess im back~
Looking back at my last few posts, its been a rough ride. But I guess I made it out pretty alright. Heh A lot have happened between my previous post and this post. Right now, I'm waiting to be enlisted into army, slacking at home with a newly desktop that I had customised myself ^^ along with a keyboard that i so much had my heart thrown about buying it. I've been well. Been gaming lately and getting bored of it eventually. Its like a routine. A cycle that I follow in which I have no say in. I have also been swimming with my pals, sometimes. And I just went roller skating with my juniors yesterday~ I was so beat that I came home and fell asleep right after my dinner. I wanted to bath first but the tiredness was too much to bear and it took over me as I slept in an awkward position with the top half of my body on the end of bed, my legs resting on the chair I'm sitting on right now. It was only hours later that I awoke to the discomfort and shifted myself into a real slumber position. I'm feeling somewhat numb at the moment. I've been reading this fan written fictional story since yesterday. I used to do that in the past. I'm always amazed at how good the writer's vocabulary is, as well as how well the writer thought the plot up. It wasn't sci-fi or anything like that. All along, I have been indulging myself in love stories. More often than I have liked, I have been 'turned' emotional just by reading them. Mehh.. I don't know how I should end this post.. Right now I'm still quite exhausted from yesterday's activity but quite bored from doing nothing. To read on the story would probably make me quiver in jealousy and give me a hard time reeling myself back to reality. I would love to hang out with my friends though. School has already started for most. I do hope they did their homework and assignments. Innocence. I wonder how its like to be innocent again. To rid myself of this stain. As I thought about this, old memorable memories start to resurface, to the time where innocence was the only thing one could see. Kindergarten: I was reprimanded for being caught with a spoilt toy that I found. One could say that I am haunted by that memory but it was still, nonetheless, a memory that I could recall of my childhood days. My grandmother was called and then complaint to. I think I cried afterwards to my grandmother, telling her the truth that I failed to convince the teacher otherwise. Thinking back about it made me feel so.. I guess I lack the vocabulary to fill up that blank. Primary: My dad locked me out of the house because I didn't make it back home in time from a friend's (Junior) birthday party. Heh Thinking back about it made me pretty jealous, reason being 'cause some of my friends actually stayed over that night, probably to game. I'm pretty sure this part of my memory was pushed into recessive memory. I couldn't remember how I felt that day, nor could I remember if I was tearing my eyes out outside the house. I'm pretty sure I did though. Not that it mattered I guess. As a kid, I guess I have always been secluding myself. Even in primary school, I frequent places such as the monkey bars where it wasn't crowded. Having said that, I do remember enjoying recesses with friends playing pepsi-cola. The floor was rather polished and smooth. Not sure if any of our games made it the way it was. Xp Ahh, innocence.. What is it?
-yao stopped typing at 8:31 AM-

Topic: This blog is dead...	Saturday, October 02, 2010
..so am i.
-yao stopped typing at 9:44 PM-

Topic: It kinda caught me..	Friday, September 10, 2010
.. off guard. I slept from 7pm to 9am and my lack-of-sleep-headache cured! Along with my right red eye. Weeeeeeee~ But thats not the thing that caught me, i woke up and powered on my PC as usual, and checked my mail right before i Mass Effect, thought i might receive some mail i had been waiting for, but no. Instead, another peep hit on this page again and left me a message. So i clicked on the link and read the messages.. (Well, yea.) And i noticed that my last post was like 2 months ago.. Hehe. I didn't really expect people to read these, but thanks. Not that i wanted everyone to know me but you know, being there counts. Thanks again. n_n HAHA, YOU GUYS JUST DELAYED MY MASS EFFECT 2! LOL! Maybe for the better.. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-= Well here it goes: Its nearing the end of the exam period, 1 more paper to go. CLI(Computer Laws and Investigatio (fyi)), probably the most memory and English heavily-depended module. Paper's starting in about 3 more days, haven't picked up notes yet. x-x Other than that, i've been playing Mass Effect 2 and L4D2ing, listening to music, watching South Park (the old), animes and mangas. The day before yesterday, I was playing Mass Effect 2 just before i sleep. I got 3 of my team mates dead. I guess it struck me real hard as i had problem sleeping afterwards. Time soon passed by, it was 4 when i probably slipped into a dreamless (short)coma. I woke up to my mum's voice, telling me to wake up. I checked my phone for the time, it was 5.20+. The hell. I had a bad wash up, still felt yucky when i walked out. (My dad keep nagging for me to hurry up, i had no idea how much time passed from my groggy situation.) Didn't ate much, heavy breakfast isn't my kind of thing i guess. Then we left for the ZOO! (Yea.) Before we left, i already had thoughts if i should stay at home. But i soon regretted when i was there. I found out that a lot of people pulled out, and left my dad with lots of unused tickets. He gave them out to people who approached the counter. Can't imagine what its like for him. It was some sort of family day event organised by his company, i guess. We had another breakfast. (Arg, starving.. v.v) Didn't each much either, but i downed it till only 25% was left. (Triumph!) So the walk begins~ Didn't take any pictures as i thought my dad would with the camera he brought. My sis was busy snapping at anything that moved.. >.> First stop was the "Rainforest strikes back" show. Even though i watched it before years ago, i could not differentiate that from the past shows. Its still cool. :3 We walked around and then it was soon time before the monkeys are fed, so we stayed around the enclosure. Heres something to take note of, not sure if you know but oh well. Hehe One of the monkeys with a long thing hanging down from you know where, went to take a piss, right before our sight. It was time already and we didn't notice it till we heard someone talking all about the monkey. I thought it was automated, like a button pressed right before the staff went into the enclosure to feed the monkeys. I turned around to see a female staff holding on to a Mic, mimicking the voice. Said voice mentioned that female monkeys have their part hanging out while the males have theirs hidden as she explained more about the mating season. My dad was like "Its the other way round?" and i thought its probably hidden in their 'sheath'. So we followed the lady wherever she went. When she was done, we ended up near the entrance. After a break, my mum and my grandma decided to stay while the rest of us continued our trek. That was when i took pictures. The rest of the trip was pretty cool, though not much canines, quite a number of felines and avians and monkeys(Actually, a lot). And Otters! (Cute) We then head for lunch but i was still feeling kinda full so i skipped lunch and took a nap. (At the food court at NorthPoint..) Haha.. I got home and took a bath (Mostly from the sweat and not the fragrance.). Then ate lunch while L4D2ed.(LOL) Xp (And lost badly, had aik pissed off.) Then watched anime and south park till i noticed my eye sting and kinda cold(opposite for body temperature). And i went to sleep around 7. =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Thats all the update for now i guess. Not sure if im gonna do this daily. As for the pics, Im not sure. Tell me what to do with them? Hehe. :3
-yao stopped typing at 10:10 AM-

Topic: Its history..	Friday, July 23, 2010
..repeating all over again. Back in the good old days of todlerhood during kindergarten, We were having some toy playing session and i noticed this mini plastic kitchen stove that was spoilt. As a child of a technician, i had seen my dad or even grandfather fixing things at home, and at that point of time, i knew that toy had hope to be played again by other children. So, i went to fix it. Apparently, the toy probably was reported spoilt and when the teacher came, i was seen meddling with it, or rather, trying to fix back what i had broken in her eyes. Oh the shame, the guilt. I probably had been scolded but i could not recall now. Probably repressed. ): I went to face the cabinet alone and played alone. My grandmother was called down since my parents were both working back then. And even my grandmother reprimanded me to stay away next time if i see something broken. If only i had been more phlegmatic today and not care a thing... Today was NETS's presentation day. Apparently the ceiling projector was down under maintenance and so a back-up one was positioned on a stand in the center of the room. In my opinion, it was badly placed and the screen projected was squeezed at the top. Before the lecturer even arrive, i had already adjusted it to a much more optimum position where by the screen is much more larger and the squeezing factor is reduced. Even though it was pretty minute, it kinda stung me and screamed at me for not doing a good job, so i tried to adjust it between one of the interval of the presentation which turns out to be before the last presentation. Justin started asking what i was doing and kept saying that its fine. I said its not and resumed to perfect it and thats when 'it' happened (again). The lecturer told me off being "that is then called itchy hand" in front of everyone. Justin added on to that, and kept going for about a minute or two. Know what its like to be in my shoes. Know how its like to commit, fall for the same idiotic mistake. This time, your close friend selling you out, scaring you in-front of the whole class and laughing at it, a lecturer who is well known as kind, saying something so untactful, simple comment, feels like thumbtacks pinning you to a wall. With my feelings all stabbed away, i put on my old mask, held on to whats left of my pride for being accused of what i am not, i restored it back to its working state. And Justin's chain of attack didn't stop till i moved away from the small box. Old thoughts that i was so familiar with ran through my mind in a flash. Why can't they understand, see the reason behind every action i made? Is there anyone out there that can truly understand me? Or are there none... Tears probably welled up in my eye but i let none fall. As today's psychology lecture talks about moral development, i began to understand a little yet not totally. The lecturer said that most people stop at stage 4. I can't figure out what stage 5 and 6 are all about but i think i will figure it out, somehow. It was mentioned in the slides that stage 6 was left out of the slide as very little people achieved it. Little as in very... little. So yea, if only people are more thoughtful, instead of just saying "you think too much le la". I really don't think that i am thinking too much, i'm just reflecting upon my actions and putting myself in others' shoes which everyone SHOULD be doing instead of telecasting their egos. At least thats what i feel. I don't know. And then on my way back home, i suddenly recalled about learning styles as i was able to recall something which i couldn't just when my friend uttered a word that closely linked to the stuff that i forgot. I think some lecturers would want to reconsider their teaching style as some people learn best when they have to try it out first before catching on to the concept. Well sure, you can argue back that you learn best when you learn on your own and all sources are given to you. But what some need is just demonstration to show how it works and not some websites explaining what it does. I guess i should finish up my dinner now. Its 23:21 when i typed till here. It felt great after typing it all out. Man, its been so long. -sigh-
-yao stopped typing at 10:34 PM-